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Things you learn while tidying up your house in preparation for having carpets cleaned:

1. My cats can shed an infinite amount of hair. Mostly the grey one. I mean I vacuum often and yet there’s still cat hair, cat hair, cat hair, especially in the squirrelly, hard to get to places. In fact, my cats can shed hair under objects that lie flat on the carpet, have no gaps and are not moved very often.

2. If there was a market for cat hair, I would be rich.

3. I need more bookcases. Why don’t I have more bookcases (oh yeah, I keep spending money on other stuff).

4. My spare room closet is apparently the Tardis of junk.

5. It’s impossible to have a very neat house with cats and lots of books. Unless you’re way more anal than me. Or possibly have cleaning minions.

6. I would like a cleaning minion. Unfortunately see point 3 and also I want to go to San Francisco for RWA national.

7. Someone keeps putting stuff in my house. Must be those cats.

8. You can stack a LOT of stuff in a bathtub.

9. Cleaning is annoying and mostly pointless (yes, I know I know, we don’t want to die of exotic diseases or drown in cat fur but you clean and then 2.3 seconds later the house is unclean unclean again).

10. If I can’t have a cleaning minion, a roomba would be good. Though I suspect it might suffer death by cat fur….and give the orange cat a nervous breakdown. And I’m not sure they sell them here. Also, alas, also see points 3 and 6.

11. Where’s whassername from Enchanted and the magic cockroaches when you need ’em?

PS The most annoying thing about all of the above is that I don’t even know what carpet guy is going to do today. He might clean. He might just look and pronounce that stuff needs replacing (which would be yay but mean nothing happens today). He might look and not have time to clean. Which means I get to do this all AGAIN at a later date. And if the bookcases need to be moved then I’m in BIG trouble.

PPS I need to win the lottery. Then I could just move to a new house. One with less carpet : ) Of course, the fact I rarely remember to buy a ticket is a flaw in this cunning plan.

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